Day 35

Dear Diary,

A typical apocalypse morning. My wife issued my quarantine ration: a square and a half of toilet paper and three coffee beans. Joke is on her, though. Since I’ve been squeezing the cheeks for two days I still have yesterday’s ration. Three squares baby.

Thank god for squat cheeks (never skip leg day)!

Mental Note: I do not think that is what they mean by three squares. 

Now, if she doesn’t discover that I’ve been keistering coffee beans, by next Friday I may have enough for a full cup of coffee.

Don’t judge, in some cultures that is a delicacy.

* APOCALYPSE UPDATE *

The CDC reports that taking a brisk 15 minute walk every day, particularly if you walk outside and get direct exposure to sunlight, gives your wife 15 minute that you do not annoy her.

Author: Ken Gack

Ken does his own butt modeling.