Beardly Fiction’s Funniest Stories
Only the most ridiculous, ‘laugh until you cry and pee’ stories find their way to this hallowed page.
My eyes barely open in narrow slits, I slowly shuffle into the company break room, cup in hand, to pour myself a steaming cup of coffee…
Author: Ken Gack
February 24, 2022
A hilarious take on the new normal
“I almost spit my coffee out reading this, but then I would have had to make another pot”
Have You Ever Tried Driving the Speed Limit?
A smartphone rings (buzzes) on the nightstand, its display lighting the darkened room. As it vibrates it drifts closer to the stand’s edge.
Bzzzt…Bzzzt…Bzzzt…
Fumbling noises can be heard, then a brief silence. Finally a groggy voice comes across.
“…hu…hello…”
Author: Ken Gack
March 20, 2022
A phone rings in the distance.
Bzzzt…Bzzzt…Bzzzt…
Correction, a phone buzzes in the distance, on my distant night stand. As it vibrates, it drifts closer to the stand’s edge. I open my eyes slightly and peer through the blear at my phone. I contemplate smashing it for a moment, but when the moment passes I begrudgingly answer it…
Author: Ken Gack
March 27, 2022
Your typical IT project can often be described as trying to construct a plane while it’s taking off down the runway…with a brick wall at the end.
“This story has a ring of truth; it sounds like every disastrous IT project I’ve lived through!”
It’s 5:30AM. The room is dark. Somewhere in the distance, on my nightstand, a cell phone buzzes to life illuminating the room in soft, blue light.
Bzzzt…bzzzzt….bzzzzt
Maybe if I ignore it it will go away.
BZZZT!!! BZZZT!!!
Author: Ken Gack
October 30, 2022
Our inboxes fill at such a rate that even our great grandchildren will still be trying to read us out of the info-storm!
“High drama in the corporate Zoom room!”
When my boys were young, I would watch them sit in front of the TV for hours playing the paint dryingly exciting game Minecraft. Now if you’ve never been on the edge of your seat and your sanity playing this game, let me break it down for you. You wander through an imaginary world that sports Atari 2600 graphics (divided by sixteen) collecting tools and treasures, digging holes, building forts, and avoiding monsters.
That sounds exactly like my childhood.
Sorta.
Author: Ken Gack
October 22, 2022
Growing up on a small dairy farm before the interwebz, we had to build our own entertainment.
“Never underestimate a young farmboy with a hammer and a pocket full of nails”
In the beginning there was no heaven and no earth. There was no light and no sound. There was nothingness. Dark, quiet, spinning nothingness.
And then there was sound. The birds chirped, the wind whistled through the trees, a Brooke bubbled on happily… wait… no…a brook!
A brook bubbled.
Author: Ken Gack
November 23, 2022
That which is lost shall be found.
“A story of discovery, of brotherhood. A dramatic tale about finding yourself”
Just as I had settled in for a long weekend of doing nothing, my wife came into the room and asked me what I had planned for the day. Obviously, she had not yet read this story’s opening line and I could tell right away that I was in big trouble. Firstly, it was a loaded question. Not like Russian Roulette loaded either. There is always a chance of surviving Russian Roulette…
Author: Ken Gack
December 17, 2022
She has a list. She is checking it…every weekend.
“It appears Ken has met his match this time!”
Twas the Night Before Christmas…and All Through the Gym
‘Twas the night before Christmas
and all through the gym
not a dumbbell was stirring
not even those pretty little pink ones…you know the ones, they are much too light for even the girls…
Author: Ken Gack
December 2, 2013
