Day 1,000

Dear Diary,

Recovering from a post-pie-day food hangover. Crawled out of bed, stumbled to the bathroom, stepped on the scale.

“You’re fat.”

I hopped off the scale, took a deep breath and stepped back on.

“Still fat.’”

Well fuck, I want a second opinion.

Stepped in front of the mirror.

“Fucking fat.”

Goddammit!

“And old.”

 

“Still fat.”

Well fuck, I want a second opinion.

* APOCALYPSE UPDATE *

The CDC reports that you are fat.

Author: Ken Gack

Ken Gack is NOT fat, goddammit! 

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