Gargelson, well he checked out his list.

He checked it twice for my spot in heaven,

but alas, he found my name had been missed.

“Yer going down,” he said, “to hell’s layer seven!”

“Hell? Layer seven?” I asked as my heart sank.

Well that can’t be good, no not good at all.

And sure, I know that I’ve cussed and I’ve drank,

but hell’s layer seven that is quite a hefty fall!

Then the gnome, well he kicked me out of that place,

and from the clouds I fell and I fell and I fell and I fell.

I fell through the sky and I fell with great haste,

I fell through the ground right into hell.

I looked up, the gates said ‘abandon ye hope!’

Sat that old gnome, again, with more lists and a fork…

“Ah, here is yer name and in hell ye must cope,

“Fer a bad one ye be, a terrible sort!”

“Now look here!” I said to that grievous old gnome.

“Why I’ve drank and cussed and I surely have sinned.

“I’ve done all the bad things you find in that tome.

“But must you get your fire and stones all so brimmed?”

“Why I’ve been nice once or twice…or thrice,

“I’ve often mixed kind words in with a cuss.

“I gave alms to those who hungered left to their device,

“in fact I think I’m a pretty good guy, all decent and just!”

That old gnome, he said “It’s not a balancing act,

“it’s not what you did or what you have done

“It’s about your heart, and this list calls yours black!”

So I hung my head low, the old gnome, he had won

He even took up his pen, and scribbled “Pride”

adding to that book, and punished with two layers more!

Deep deep into hell I would my eternal fate find,

what agonies for me did this retched gnome have in store?

Just then lightning struck! In my backyard it hissed.

Thunder shook me awake and I dropped to the floor,

and…a voice boomed from the heavens, ‘Dammit! I missed!’

So maybe, just maybe, I’ve got one chance more…

Author: Ken Gack

Ken does drink a bit and curse a lot,

and may have been told hell has a special spot.

But maybe, just maybe, if you take time to pray for his soul,

he won’t find an eternal home in that god awful hole!.