Gargleson, well he hrumphed and he grumphed with visible disdain,

as if my Christmassy capers were causing him great pain.

I paused my stockingtivities to ask “What is your gripe?”

The wiley old gnome sat, sighed, dragged heavy on his corn cob pipe.

He cleared his throat with great drama and began “That old Saint Nick…”

Well he’s not very sainty at all, in fact he’s kind of a dick!

Years ago, many many years and even a day,

we gnomes were important, very important I would say.

Why we invented Christmas, were the truth to be told.

We built Santy’s workshop, way up in the cold.

We sewed up bright gnome hats, hammered out toys galore,

but that Santy, I tell you, he always wanted more, more, and even more.

We sat down at the table to renegotiate a quite gnomely price,

in the end of it we found ourselves on the naughty list, NOT NICE!

The very next Christmas, vicious rumors would abound,

that Mr. Claus, a replacement for us gnomes he had found.

Why that ole Claus locked us out of our very own shop,

and ordered our toy hammering to come to a stop.

We figured his Christmassy bag would go untoyed,

but it was us gnomes who ended up all unemployed!

For scandalous, mischievous elves, miscreants they do be,

they overflowed Santy’s bag with toys for each Christmas tree!

With heavy hearts we left that frosty abode,

and the devilish elves picked up the toy making load.

With one final grumph, a last complaint had he,

that not since that Christmas had presents been under his tree.

But…

With a drag of his pipe and deep belly chuckles, something his fancy did please,

the old gnome exclaimed, “Rumor is that the elves have been undercut by the Chinese!”

Author: Ken Gack

Quite frequently Ken also finds himself on Santy’s naughty list!