I had to admit the little guy had me there. Guess I should have given her some driving lessons. We probably wouldn’t even have been in this whole mess.

Just then Gargleson popped in and asked what all the ruckus was about as he opened the fridge and began foraging. I told the shiesty gnome all about Stick Girlfriend’s little ‘Oopsies’ with her car yesterday. He said he could fix it right up spick and span and gave Smithers a shout, told him to bring his notepad to write up an estimate. 

We fell into a fierce negotiation, with Gargelson getting six full houses in a row and leaving me owing him my house, my younger boy’s college fund and options on any house either of my boys might own in the future. Just then Stick Girlfriend pranced into the room. 

“Hi, boys!” she said merrily, pulled Gargelson’s gnome hat back and planted a smacker right on his forehead, which turned his cheeks cherry red. 

I excused myself for the loo. Negotiating with gnomes and the obligatory whiskey shots had left me sauced up to the gills.  

When I returned, Stick Girlfriend was in my seat wearing Gargelson’s gnome hat. She laid her cards down and announced, “Full house.” She was beaming.

“Ok, ok, me girlie,” Gargelson started, “Yeh be a tough negotiator. We’ll have yer car ready spick and span this afternoon.”

Stick Girlfriend excused herself from the table and started to prance out of the room. As she passed by me she gave me a little peck on the cheek and handed me my Harley keys.

Author: Ken Gack

Ken is a much better negotiator when geckos and gnomes aren’t involved. He swears!