Day 1,006

Dear Diary,

Well, my friends, if you are reading this, it is over. As you can see from the treacherous condition of my stairs, the end is nigh. Hell hath frozen over. And by that I mean Washington State.

Editor’s note: Please forward all complaints about Ken Gack calling Washington State hell to editor@beardlyfiction.com.

Snow. Ain’t that some bollshit! I can clearly see that my efforts to expand my carbon footprint and accelerate global warming to bring the tropics north so I don’t have to fly south in the winter are not working. Been exhaling extra hard today to ramp up my carbon dioxide output.

Speaking of heavy breathing, my wife hung up on me earlier today, and we should not be expected to cardio (which we have all agreed not to do anyway) or run from zombies under these conditions. 

On the plus side, the gnomes have been frozen into their bunker in the backyard. I don’t expect to see them until the spring thaw. 

Given this is Washington and not Minnesota (which has likely also frozen over), spring thaw is expected on Tuesday.

Author: Ken Gack

Ken is not only the author, he is also the (only) editor here at Beardly Fiction. Please do not send your complaints to him, he doesn’t read his email. Also, editor@beardlyfiction.com does not exist.